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  “Yep.”

  “I honestly don’t get it. It must be harder for you to stay single than it would be just to have an orgy with your fan club and get it over with.”

  I snorted. It was true my looks garnered more than my share of attention from girls. I was tall and built, thanks to soccer in high school and crew in college. I had the same strong features as my dad, same thick, wavy brown hair. I knew the effect my smile and blue-green eyes had on girls.

  I had tried going on a few dates at the BSMU. I even kept seeing a pretty girl from my Slaughters Psychology class. Her name was Jamie…something.

  “Guess I’m just not the boyfriend kind of guy,” I said, trying to sound like the player my friends assumed me to be and hoping it would end the conversation.

  “Jamie was gorgeous,” Adam persisted. “And nice. And smart. I can’t believe you broke up with her.”

  I shrugged. I wasn’t going to tell Adam that the first and only time I’d spent the night with Jamie, I’d woken both of us in the middle of the night because I was calling out for Kaira.

  Needless to say, it hadn’t been one of my finer moments.

  Jamie had cried—something I didn’t have much experience with, since Kaira hardly ever cried. In fact, the only time I’d ever seen her shed more than a few tears was when, as a thirteen-year-old, I’d made the mistake of choosing Old Yeller as the movie I was hoping would get me my first kiss. It hadn’t quite worked out the way I’d planned. Instead of the make-out I’d been envisioning, I had held Kaira while she sobbed over Old Yeller dying.

  Seriously, why does the dog always have to die at the end?

  Fortunately, I had always been a fast learner when it came to that sort of thing. The next time my dad had a late night at work, I had chosen Top Gun for our movie, and the results were much more to my liking.

  Way to have a bro’s back, Tom Cruise.

  I could have lied to Jamie and smoothed things over, but I hadn’t seen the point. Even with the girl pressed against me in my single bed that was barely big enough for me, I’d felt a gnawing emptiness I knew would never be filled by anyone except her. So, with a gruff apology, I’d helped Jamie gather her clothes and then I walked her home.

  After that, I stopped keeping any company of the nocturnal variety.

  I had made my peace with all of it. I’d be like my father, dedicated to my job and the Alliance, rather than to a person. My career was more important than any individual bonds I could form. Really, everything had worked out for the best.

  At least, that was what I told myself by day when my brain was awake and functioning. At night, when my defenses were down and logic had left the building, I would wake with the feeling that my chest was being ripped open.

  Not that I’d ever confess any of that to Adam, or to anyone else for that matter.

  “You want to come tonight?” I asked, mostly because I didn’t want to spoil the night by thinking about Kaira.

  “Really?” Adam sat up, reminding me of a puppy begging for a cookie.

  I shrugged. “Why not? I get a plus one.”

  Adam leaped up from the bed.

  “I’m not kissing you goodnight or anything, you know,” Adam warned, already halfway to his room to get ready.

  “Then you better bring me flowers,” I called back.

  ✽✽✽

  Half an hour later, Adam and I were cutting across the lawn to the Dean’s house. It was breezy but warm. The sun was setting, and it made for a pretty picture with the red brick of the BSMU’s buildings and the Charles River stretching out in front of us.

  As soon as I opened the door, I was swallowed up in a torrent of well-wishes and congratulations. I lost sight of Adam as the Alliance’s Minister of Defense shook my hand and offered me his business card, telling me “whatever you need in your new role, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

  I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned.

  My dad was smiling at me.

  “I thought you had to work tonight!” I hugged my dad, while a camera flashed somewhere behind me.

  “I wouldn’t miss a celebration of the Alliance and its future.” He squeezed my shoulder and then stepped back.

  My dad had never exactly been the warm fatherly figure type. He was serious and dedicated to his work in a way I had always admired. We were close but in an aloof kind of way. I had always gotten the sense that, in his natural habitat, my dad wouldn’t have chosen to be a father. At the very least, he wouldn’t have chosen to be the primary caregiver. But he’d had no choice when my mom left us shortly after I was born.

  I met my mother once, when a middle school family tree project had led me to track her down. The meeting had been awkward, and I hadn’t attempted to contact her again. She was a photo journalist who traveled the world documenting the after-effects of the Slaughters. She had been living in Moscow the last time I checked, but that was years ago, and she had probably moved half a dozen times since then. A dedication to the job was something my parents had in common, and which they’d passed down to me.

  In spite of my dad’s lack of experience with fatherhood, he’d risen to the occasion. I had never wanted for anything. And if my dad had been at work more often than he’d been home, it was an inspiration rather than a source of resentment.

  When I looked at my dad, I saw that he was even more haggard than he’d been when I saw him over spring break. He had always been lean, but ever since the night I referred to in my head as the incident, he’d become gaunt. Maybe it was something about the candlelight that made him look even more hollowed out, more skeleton than human. My stomach clenched.

  “I’m proud of you, son.” Lowering his voice, my dad continued, “Now, you’ll be able to accomplish what I never could. I know you’ll make a difference in the Alliance for both our sakes, since I no longer can.”

  The familiar guilt that never completely went away held my lungs in a vise, making it difficult to breathe. It was partly my fault that my dad lost his senior-level job in the Magical Marking Office, and with it, his dream of building peace between Magics and Naturals. And everything that came after was my fault, too.

  I could have taken away my dad’s misery at any time. I could do it right now. All I had to do was tell the truth.

  I gave my dad a smile and nodded at him. “I’ll do my best,” I promised.

  “Atta boy.” My dad patted me on the back.

  “Graysen Galder.”

  I turned to see Director Edwardian Remwald making his way through the small crowd toward me. I resisted the urge to pinch myself.

  Director Remwald looked the part of the most powerful figure in the Alliance. He was even taller than me, and his jet-black hair and beard were neatly trimmed. He wore a pinstriped suit that shouted authority. He carried himself like a man who was well-aware that he was the most important individual in the country.

  The Director’s security detail stayed back a respectful distance, but I could feel their eyes scanning the crowd behind their dark glasses.

  “Congratulations, young man,” the Director said. “Tonight is the start of a very exciting time.” He turned to my dad, gave him a bright smile, and shook his hand like they were old friends.

  “Thank you, Sir,” I replied, a little overwhelmed and a lot starstruck.

  Director Remwald turned his attention to the small group that had just entered the room.

  Penelope, flanked by two people I assumed were her parents, were heading toward us. She wore a white dress and was blushing from all the attention. I thought again about how she was known around campus as an angel. All that was missing were the wings.

  Penelope and her family were absorbed into the group along with my dad, the Director, and me. Director Remwald congratulated Penelope before turning to her parents.

  “I’m sorry again about earlier,” Penelope whispered to me.

  “Don’t mention it,” I said. “You sure you’re okay?”

  Now that I was looking at her, I saw there wer
e dark shadows under her eyes, and her hands were trembling.

  “Oh, yeah.” She laughed a little. “I’m just sorry I shouted your name like that.”

  “Ah! Our posterchildren.” Dean Miller slung an arm around each of our shoulders.

  A photographer materialized, and we all smiled as the flash threw blinding spots across my vision.

  Once I extricated myself from the photographer, I returned to find my dad putting on his jacket.

  “Leaving already?”

  My dad nodded. “Big day at the office tomorrow.” He gave me a broad smile that didn’t fool either of us.

  My dad still kept long hours, even though his paper pushing job didn’t generate enough work to fill even a normal 9-5 shift. He missed his old job the way someone might miss a lost limb.

  It was an unspoken rule between the two of us that we never discussed the incident that, even years later, had him mumbling in his sleep about misplaced files.

  Apparently, talking in one’s sleep ran in the family.

  “You want any help?” I asked, wishing one time my dad’s answer would be yes. It might lighten the load of guilt I carried.

  My dad shook his head and gave me a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll see you at graduation this weekend.”

  Before the incident, my father would have been in his element in this crowd. He would have been surrounded by important people who were eager for his perspective on new legislation related to Marking. Now, he apologized and slunk through the crowd of Alliance members like he had no right to so much as brush up against them.

  I swallowed the painful lump in my throat.

  Having lost interest in celebrating, I wandered over to the side of the room where most of the students at the party had gathered. The BSMU’s best Magics had been invited, and they were showing off their abilities for their Natural audience. I stood off to the side as the school’s most powerful Animate Illusionist transformed his nose into a shark’s snout. The crowd oohed and clapped.

  I pasted an admiring look on my face. There was no doubt the feat was impressive. Most Illusionists could only manipulate a single aspect at a time. But I knew the most powerful Illusionist ever recorded. She didn’t need to use cheap party tricks to impress people with her abilities.

  An Earth Magic was juggling seven dirty rocks without laying a finger on any of them. The students were amused. The waitstaff scowled and hurried to shift the plates so dirt didn’t dribble down onto the cheese platters.

  There was snickering coming from the refreshments table, where an Alchemist had dipped his finger into one of the water pitchers. I suspected the water was now pure vodka, or maybe absinth. Alchemists had a weird sense of humor.

  “Dude. Best party ever.” Adam slung an arm over my shoulders.

  “Let me guess, you’ve been sampling the water.”

  A sloppy grin widened Adam’s face. “Chyeah.”

  I extricated myself from my friend’s grasp. “Meet the Director yet?”

  Adam sulked. “Nah. I saw him leaving a little while ago, and security wouldn’t let me near him.” Then, he brightened. “But I did meet a couple of senators and the Vice President.”

  The United States government no longer controlled any of the major US cities, but it still had lawmaking power and controlled the country’s military. Its biggest role was to ensure that the whole country kept the three high laws, even if they didn’t follow most of the Alliance’s other rules.

  The US government was old-school and made up entirely of Naturals. Magics weren’t allowed to run for office or serve in the military. It operated under the same misguided assumption that had caused the Slaughters in the first place: that Magics weren’t human.

  It was a stupid argument grounded in fear and prejudice. Alina Freeman, the most widely-respected judge on the US Supreme Court, had made a historic ruling that decided Magics deserved equal rights. Alina Freeman was a Natural who tirelessly championed Magic rights, and she’d been the inspiration behind my early interest in Magical Law.

  “Dude.” Adam grabbed my arm and gave me a shake. “Dude.”

  “What?”

  “Hot blonde, nine o’clock. Eating you up with her baby blues.”

  I turned. Even though the room was crowded, I didn’t need to ask Adam who he meant. I noticed her dress first, which brought back memories better left in the past. The dress was a color I didn’t have a name for, somewhere between blue and green. Righteous indignation filled me at the sight of another girl wearing that dress. It was her dress, and the sight of it on someone else was like an insult. But then my gaze moved to her face, and my heart forgot how to beat.

  Everything about her was wrong, from the light skin, to the blonde hair, to the blue eyes. Her body was the wrong shape, and she was about five inches too short. Her lips were too thin and her eyes too round. Still, I knew it was her…the one I’d been in love with ever since my pre-adolescent brain understood the word. The one who’d ruined my dad’s life.

  Kaira Hansley.

  CHAPTER 4

  Kaira’s own Ma and grandma sometimes couldn’t recognize her when she was fully illusioned, but I had always known her, no matter what face she wore.

  Even though it had been three years since I’d seen her in any form, I knew the expression on her face. I recognized that half-smile and the graceful way she moved even when she wasn’t on stage for one of her ballet performances.

  Our eyes met while my lungs tried to remember how to draw in air. An entire, silent conversation passed between us before I managed a breath. She tilted her head just a fraction, and then she slipped through the crowd and out of sight.

  “Too bad,” Adam commiserated, slinging an arm around my shoulder as I tried not to give the impression I’d just seen a ghost. “Guess that means you’re coming home with me after all.”

  I said something back, but I wasn’t aware of what. I forced myself to pretend to watch the Magics show off as my heart tried to claw its way out of my chest. I counted the seconds in my head. I waited five minutes.

  “Bathroom,” I told Adam as I made my way to the edge of the crowd.

  I had to shake several more hands on my way to the door. Finally, I made it outside. I looked around. She was sitting on one of the benches in the courtyard. I crossed over the grass toward her.

  The sound of my racing heart filled my ears. If the world started falling apart around me at that moment, I doubt I would’ve noticed.

  Tell her to leave, my brain ordered.

  I didn’t want to see her. I shouldn’t want to see her.

  “Hi, Gray.” Kaira’s sultry voice, the one I thought I’d never hear again outside of my dreams, spoke from the blonde’s body.

  “Hey, Kai.” I could barely hear myself over my thundering heart.

  For a moment, neither of us spoke. I looked around, but we were alone.

  “Why are you here?” I asked. The last time I’d seen her was the night I told her I never wanted to see her again.

  The pain of what she had done was still raw, even now.

  “I saw the article in the Globe and wanted to say congrats on graduating. I figured this would be my last chance before you became an official member of the Alliance.”

  Did she think I would arrest her once I started in my new role?

  I should. Of course, I should have turned her in years ago. But I knew now, just as I had even when I was shouting at her to get the hell out of my life, that I’d never do anything to hurt her. Even if it meant breaking the second high law.

  “Thanks,” I managed, when I realized I’d just been standing there.

  I stayed a few feet back as I tried to think of what else to say. Being tongue-tied wasn’t usually a problem for me.

  “Take a walk?”

  I should say no. Even here, where it was unlikely anyone would see us together, and even less likely anyone would recognize her, there was a risk. A combination of intense paranoia and pure dumb luck were the reasons why we’d never been caugh
t in all the years we’d been together…loved each other.

  I wanted to tell her no. I had never been able to convince myself that I had stopped loving her, but I couldn’t forgive her, either. I wasn’t that pathetic.

  I felt my head nod.

  We were silent as we crossed the lawn and headed toward the Charles River. It was dark, and as soon as we had gone far enough that no one from the BSMU buildings would be able to see us, I turned to Kaira.

  “I can’t talk to you like this,” I said.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.” Her voice was uncharacteristically soft.

  “I don’t,” I said, even though I didn’t think either of us was convinced by the lie. “But I can’t have a conversation with this.” I waved my hand, motioning to the blonde who was and wasn’t Kaira.

  I was staring out at the Charles, but as soon as I felt her start to shift, I couldn’t stop my gaze from being drawn to her.

  Her smooth, blonde hair turned into long, coarse black strands styled in a way she had once told me were called thick twists. Her light skin darkened.

  Kaira’s Ma was black and her dad Hispanic, although her dad had died before I met him. The combination gave her almond-shaped eyes and caramel-colored skin that many of my classmates paid a fortune to Magic aestheticians in hopes of achieving.

  The last of the illusion melted away, and Kaira…the real Kaira…was left in her place.

  Kaira was an Animate Illusionist. For most Animate Illusionists, that meant the ability to change aspects of their own person, and if they were higher than a Level 6, aspects of any other person close enough to touch. Kaira was a Level 10, the rarest and highest score on the Magical Proficiency & Aptitude Test. It meant she could transform her entire appearance, as well as the appearance of any living being within a certain range.

  I saw the way the dress showed off her ballerina’s legs, something I hadn’t noticed on the blonde. She had always been slender from dancing, but she was even thinner now. There was a hardness to her body and expression that hadn’t been there before. One thing hadn’t changed. She was still the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.